Is there one habit that makes a difference in
whether relationships endure?
People are drawn to each other for all sorts of reasons.
There are plenty of books, pamphlets, websites, magazines
and perfumes that are read in hopes of finding some
secret attractant. Lots of classes that run the spectrum from
bible study to pole dancing. And yes, more hair has been
bought, more eyelashes and fingernails glued in hopes of
attracting a man who will stay around longer than the
hair or the nails.
And by the guys: more fancy cars, weight lifting and high protein
drinks, money flashing and Caribbean trips offered and
practicing sweet talk. In short, singles spend a lot of time
trying everything, to attract a partner that they hope will
stay. But a lasting relationship is created by the connection
between your “inner selves”. The fact that you find the same
activities to be interesting and are truly able to laugh about
the same things. That you can both push and praise your
partner to achieve their desired goals creates an effective
team.
None of the distractions or embellishments listed above
can hold a relationship together. There are several other
behaviors that can. In this post we will talk about one:
Having a mutual interest and activity that you both
enjoy on a regular basis together.
Among couples that have been together more than
twenty-five years and those who can see their way to
being together that long, partners light up when they
speak of common activities. It can be bowling or running,
cycling or video games, season football tickets or even
political campaigning – anything where they can plan
ahead regularly to have the activity to look forward to.
Some couples rely on regular cruises or other group
tours that give them novel places to discover. These
experiences give them memories to share and common
friendships that develop with other couples that they
travel with. They grow their network of friends and
that network reinforces their image of themselves as
a couple. The activities they do with married friends or
committed couples are geared towards “safe” fun that
won’t encourage flirting and other temptations that can
occur when surrounded by available singles.
So think about what interests you share with your
partner and find ways to build them into you quarterly
or monthly schedules. Punctuate those events with
annual trips for conferences, retreats, sports events
and family reunions. Have you always wanted to
learn to play golf? Do you have a wish to visit as
many islands as possible? Do you both love jazz
festivals or local theater? Being a couple shouldn’t
mean being bored and it shouldn’t be the end of
your exploring new things in life. Do it together.
It may be the “glue” that keeps you together.
