They directly impact both our mental health as well as our physical health
Have you, like so many black parents and helping professionals, been wondering what impact these killings of our brothers and sisters are having on us and our children?
It affects their health, both emotional and physical. It’s no coincidence that our communities have disproportionate levels of heart disease, hypertension, diabetes and addictions. But when you see the statistics, it is startling.
A report published in the British medical journal, The Lancet, validates the negative impact of police killings of unarmed blacks on black people in the states in which they happened.The inter- national response to George Floyd’s death shows that there has been a measurable impact around the world. It is validating to realize that people all over the world have been touched by what has been going on here in the States.
The mental health of white Americans was not similarly affected by killings of unarmed blacks, the researchers found. Nor were negative health effects associated with police killings of unarmed white Americans or armed black Americans.
The study, which looked at survey data and examined a database of police killings, noted that white Americans were not affected similarly. They also found that killings of armed black Americans or unarmed white people did not seem to generate negative health effects.
While we are seeing the increase in violent crime with the emergence of the pandemic, data tracking of police killings of blacks found no correlation with local crime rates. It is more likely that a firearm and implicit bias don’t belong together but anti- racism training and more progressive policing methods do.
In a time like this, one thinks about the books, written long ago, that seem to have foretold this moment
M. Scott Peck was a theologian and psychiatrist whose words over three decades ago seemed applicable to a tiny slice of America. Now, those same words outline clearly a sizable chunk of our country and the psychological deficiencies that fit the descriptions he gave.
At the root of almost all conflict – whether between international governments or between intimate partners – is a Lie
Said by a therapist after more than 25 years of mediating, training and transforming communication between conflicting parties.
We feel secure when what we hear matches what we see.
Lies chip away at our humanity
Anger, hostility, suspicion, confusion, denial, jealousy -all of these emotions are the byproducts of lies. It is estimated by psychologist Gerald Jellison, Ph.D., formerly of the University of Southern California, that the average person may lie about 200 times a day. These are not intentional deceptions, but more likely intended to empathize with and support friends and family members or to avoid conflict or to temper embarrassing situations. Others say that the average person lies about 11 times a week, but when one looks at the lies told most often, it moves the probability back towards 200 times per day.
For example, the most frequently told lie, is when a person says, “I’m on the way” or when they text that they’re stuck in traffic or when they say they “don’t mind” something that you’ve asked of them. Lies can be small, and harmless – even beneficial, but lies can take down a democracy when they undercut the rule of law or when they incite the taking of another’s life.
Reporters watched in confusion, when our former president, the person later dubbed “Liar-in-chief” started his reign off with a verifiable lie: that the crowd at his inauguration “looked like a million and a half people” and “was the largest crowd to attend any inauguration anywhere in the world”. Fact checkers noted that the subway usage that day was less than previous inaugurations. Pictures show that the Mall from the Capitol to the Washington Monument showed comparatively sparse attendance.
It was at that point that we were introduced to the term “alternative facts” by that president’s senior adviser, Kellyanne Conway. This concept of “alternative facts” is a head spinner. It delivers the visceral impact of having your reality flipped and the experience of truth shoved down your throat.It’s that feeling, exactly, that many of us feel, when we know we’re hearing a lie. Sometimes it’s a little lie, so sometimes it’s a little twinge that we barely notice. Other times, it’s a big LIE and it’s like a punch in the stomach. We double over, metaphorically, with a feeling of confusion and disbelief in our eyes.
Enter a new age
That was our introduction into the Age of the Lie. That harsh, if not shocking, remaking of the facts into something that one insecure person needed to hear in order to tolerate their reality, pulled out all the stops on lying – on a countrywide stage. And like a bad infection, it has spread. Governors from Texas to Florida, Trump’s attorney general and other cabinet level officials began crafting whopping lies, to serve purposes that we are still trying to understand.
How do lies impact you?
What does it mean to you when someone lies? When you overhear a good friend lying about you? When your husband comes home late with an excuse that doesn’t bear any resemblance to the truth? When you know that a competitor at work had purposely misrepresented your contribution to a shared project? The first thing you feel is that punch, right? Then what? You start going over everything you’ve been told, looking for little signs that you may have missed. You start question- ing yourself, doubting your perceptions. Depending on your own experiences, perhaps as a child, you could even lapse into self-blaming. Your distress may unearth doubts about previously unconcerning social exchanges. Yes. You’ll recall that time that person jumped off the phone quickly when you entered the room or the time they didn’t really answer a question that you asked them. All of a sudden, your security net started to unravel. All because of a lie that probably has nothing to do with you.
Reality check #1: People do what they do, not to hurt you, but to protect themselves.
How does a lie hurt?
How does a lie hurt ? Is it that it prevents you from trusting the other person? Does it keep moving the marker so that you don’t know what’s real and what’s not? Does it signal that the liar is a foe and may have negative intentions? Is that why they can’t tell you the truth? Whatever it is, we know that the truth grounds us. It attaches us securely to a familiar environment, to stable people and reliable expectations that assure us of a place and surroundings that help us and our children remain safe.
The truth, is an essential component of a happy life.
Since 2016, the United States has experienced gutting of our major institutions, political behavior that deserves a spanking at the polls, national indifference to the welfare of the most vulnerable and an under- cutting of almost everything that we knew to be true.
What’s the upside to this?
There’s a good side to this, as there is to any tragedy. It captures our attention. We have to think through our positions, plan how we are going to improve the result and commit to being agents of change. It pulls us together. The assumptions under which we operate have been exposed and demand our examination and refinement. We’ve had to think of alternatives to the way we live. We have to prepare for changes in our expectations. We have to focus on what’s really important and do what we have to do to make that happen.
The Pandemic has made us stay home, sit still and look at the facts. People are reevaluating their jobs and the assumptions under which they have been operating. They’re trying to make sense of their lives. We’ve had to get real with life, with each other and with the planet. If we do this right, and live up to our potential as equal partners in stewardship over the earth, we’ll come out of this stronger, truly secure and able to usher in The Age of Love.
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