Tag Archives: Kids

Current News, Kids

Here’s 5 more ways to help kids get stronger during the pandemic

Putting fear into perspective can help your child
learn how to control their fears & anxieties going forward. This weird COVID experience can serve
as a practice run, in which we teach courage and
skills for tackling future life challenges.

“In the absence of our comments on the constant
stream of COVID warnings, their child-sized worry
systems take over.”

Our TVs blare the numbers: “Over 800,000 Americans
have now died from COVID-19″, “The dangerous new
variant is bearing down on us as we approach the
holidays”.


These warnings get our kids’ attention. For some kids,
it hangs low in their thoughts. They worry and in the
absence of our failing to combat this stream of constant
warnings, their child-sized worry systems take over.
It may show up as whining, resistance or daydreaming.

They worry if they or you will get COVID. Will they lose
you? Will they die? They may shrink from contact with
others or use magical thinking to fight off their fears.
Although “child-sized” makes you think of something
small, when it comes to emotions, childhood fears always
loom bigger than life .

If you have lost family members or close friends to
COVID, have you had the time to sit and talk with your
kids about it? Do you have ways to help them process
loss?

This is a good time to firm up your child’s sense of
security. Let’s talk about the ways their physical
environment can be structured to help them feel
anchored. Try starting with these routines.

  1. Put off making any major changes in their rooms.
    Keep some basic things in place while letting them
    be somewhat creative in making necessary changes.
    For example, keep the room color the same but let
    them change other things. Or let them choose new
    furniture or arrange the furniture differently, but keep
    everything else consistent.
  2. Keep to daily routines, i.e., meals at the same times,
    at the table together. Have daily schedules so that
    they know what to expect and what you expect of them-
    and when. Bed times, TV times, homework time can all
    provide an invisible frame for their lives that make
    them feel secure.
  3. Set aside individual time – 20-30 minutes (daily, if
    you can, but at least 3x week) for them to sit down
    with you to tell you what’s on their minds. They should
    be your only focus at these times and each child
    treasures their time alone with you. No phone, no TV.
    This is an investment that will pay off well in the long run.
  4. Create rituals to mark important passages and
    events like the holidays, as well as the loss of family
    members. Rituals can provide them with an opportunity
    to express their feelings about a one time event.
    Family game or movie nights can provide weekly
    bonding times that form the glue for your family
    relationship. Other rituals, like graduation, sweet
    16s and birthdays celebrate their successful
    passage through stages in their lives. Perform
    these rituals equally for each child.
  5. Keep a “Gratitude Journal” as a family, centering
    the family’s joint accomplishments. Your first home,
    the birth of a sibling, your new pet, your first game
    night or your shared attendance at a child’s sports
    event.


Kids, Lifestyle

How to help your black child deal with the pandemic

Suicide rates and risks for black children are rapidly rising during the isolation of the pandemic. Here’s 5 things you can do to help your child manage this time in a healthy way

These habits form anchors that will help your child feel secure in a time of uncertainty and disconnection.

  1. Help your child come up with a daily affirmation to remind her or him of what’s great about themselves. For example, if empathy is their strength, they might say to themselves, “I am Correctly Caring. I enjoy being kind to others.” Or simply to associate their name with one of their great qualities, like “I am the Marvelous Marky!” or “I am Awesome Anika!”
  2. Spend 2 minutes in the morning to hold hands and say a prayer for the day. It can be a simple statement of intention like, “Today we will focus on learning one new thing that will help us grow and be wiser”. Then talk
    about it in the evening to help them become more aware of the value in each day.
  3. Put up a calendar for your child. Decide with them what you are going to track. Maybe finishing tasks, maybe good grades, maybe new ideas they’ve created. Mark those that your child has achieved over each week. As you continue to do this, your child can see a string of accomplishments. Maybe even have a monthly “Awards” ceremony!
    .
  4. Eat at least one meal together during which each child gets a few
    minutes to talk about whatever they would like you to listen to.
    You must not interrupt and you should express appreciation for their statements, whatever they are.
  5. Arrange for either outdoor or video play dates on a weekly basis. Some
    of these will be with other children but can also be with a grandparent
    or family friend. The video play date can include a movie, online game,
    dance exercise, shared online drawing, etc.

The underlying purpose is to give an underlying consistency to schedules and routines that are subject to change. For a child to know that each and every day counts as a new opportunity to achieve, to enjoy and to learn helps them see their purpose. Where they learn and with whom might change but what you have set up at home doesn’t have to. Kids also learn that while some days aren’t so great, there’s always good days to balance life out. We’ll add more later

Kids

When should you take your kid to therapy?

Most kids get into therapy because the school recommends it, but if you see signs that your
child is struggling, why wait?

Parenting is tough! You feel so responsible! And for situations over
which you have little real direct control. (Notice I said “direct”).
What do you do when your child is treated unfairly and feels
picked on? What if the parent-teacher conference starts feeling
painful to you? You don’t want to feel that the teacher is trying to
imply that you’re not doing your job, but you do. How in the world
can you get your child to do an hour of homework when you’re
exhausted yourself? You’re still having nightmares from when
you were struggling with it yourself.

Routinely, parents seek out therapy in these instances:

  • When your child is being bullied
  • When your child has or is being teased about gender identity issues
  • When your child won’t or can’t do their schoolwork
  • When your child is fighting and/or verbally aggressive at school
  • When your child is obviously sad, is anxious or avoids other kids
  • When your child refuses to attend school or is chronically late
  • If school staff worry about abuse or neglect
  • If your child has witnessed a traumatic event
  • When there is a family change from divorce or death or
    injustice
  • When your child exhibits strange and/or self-destructive
    behaviors
  • When you want to learn the best ways to strengthen or
    protect your child
  • When you want to break a cycle of behavior that you
    experienced in your family of origin
  • When your child’s drawings or statements imply that
    they want to hurt themselves or don’t want to live
Starting your child in therapy may require either
courage or desperation

You might be feeling a swirl of emotions when you realize
that you need to get your child into therapy. Like fear – what will
a therapist ask you? What will he or she ask your child?
Anger? Why are you put in this situation when you already
have so much on your plate? Being overwhelmed – How
will you find the time and will this cost money that you
don’t have? Don’t worry. While you will have to be persistent
to find a therapist, check out our pages on how to get
started. You’ll be on your way to finding someone who
will be pleased to take some of those burdens off your
shoulders.

Many of us became therapists as a result of our own experiences
growing up. We understand these situations. We also know and
have great faith in the possibilities of change. Sometimes it’s just
a simple or surprising change that can make all the difference
in the world. The need to ask for help doesn’t mean that you’re
going to just another person to be shown something that you feel
you should have seen. Therapists are trained to use a process
that allows them to share a number of methods that they
have learned and practiced. These methods are the result
of years of research and observations that we wish some-
one might have shared with our parents.

So, go ahead. Find out more so you can get started to make
you and your child’s life easier.

Current News, Lifestyle

Marijuana miseries you can sidestep

Marijuana has been legalized and people are lighting up everywhere.
A weekend stroll to the local town center on a Saturday night revealed
an overhead cloud shared by teens, senior couples and bemused Gen-Xers. Grandparents hosting their visiting grandchildren seemed confused.

That’s nice that a cause of life limiting incarceration of people of color
can no longer be used to create criminal records that block them from
accessing college finances and any hope of a good job. On the other
hand, even if you’ve smoked for years, there may be alot you don’t
know about marijuana. Questions like these:

  • What’s in it?
  • Isn’t it harmless?
  • Will it affect fertility?
  • This couldn’t effect my moods, right?
  • If I’m high, that’s not the same as driving drunk, is it?
  • Will marijuana affect my brain, long term?
  • It’s not as dangerous as cigarette smoke, right?
  • What if I smoke when I’m pregnant?

So many questions. Let’s start with the last one. What if you
smoke while you are pregnant?

Turns out researchers have been investigating this now for
40 years. A new study shows that the children born to mothers
who smoke during or soon after pregnancy are twice as likely to
become anxious, hyperactive or aggressive as other kids.

There is a growing body of evidence that indicates connections
between cannabis use during pregnancy and psychiatric
problems in children. Mothers who smoke to ease morning
sickness and anxiety can end up with longer term anxiety in
response to ongoing problems with their children.

2016 research is showing that in California nearly twice as
many women reported smoking pot while pregnant.

Read more about cannabis & pregnancy
Current News, Lifestyle, Relationships

Holiday Love

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A Christmas/Kwanzaa holiday note

Style: "Agfa"

Walking through the mall this afternoon, there were alot of men wandering around, looking a little glassy-eyed.  Most of them looked  to be between 32 and 48 years old and they looked tired. Some of them were in work clothes. They looked lost. One man approached me holding a very tall pair of women’s boots in his hands. “Will these work? Do you think my wife might like these? They look pretty good, huh?” The man was short. I asked him, “Does she have really long legs? Because if she doesn’t, those might not work.” “Oh”, he said, “This is too hard. I’ll just give her the money and she’ll have to pick her own boots.” (How easily we are discouraged.)

Christmas is supposed to be fun

Love is a gift you can give for free. We shouldn’t feel that love will be rejected or deemed false if it is not accompanied by an adequate gift. After all, most men hate shopping. It seems to be a little overwhelming for them, if not in the decision-making, then in the range of prices and sizes. Some folks make up a very specific gift list (not a bad idea, except it seems like you’re putting in an order).  The really detailed folks send a text or email with  mistake-free links to accomplish the ordering and shipping. Some folks want it fancy wrapped. Some folks just want your clearly spoken words of love. And that’s a good thing because I think what I saw in some men’s eyes reminded me of what I see when folks start talking about their student loan debt: Fear.  Remember, unless you’ve been skipping out on the basics despite having the ability to provide, no gift can replace real love. If that’s all you really have, give that. Be open and honest and if your partner is worthy of you, that’s what they will give back. But if you have a few bucks, most will probably appreciate a gift card.