Research, thoughts & community observations on keeping it together
M. Scott Peck was a theologian and psychiatrist whose
words over three decades ago seemed applicable to a
tiny slice of America. Now, those same words outline
clearly a sizable chunk of our country and the
psychological deficiencies that fit the descriptions
he gave.
At the root of almost all conflict – whether between international
Said by a therapist after more than 25 years of mediating, training
governments or between intimate partners – is a Lie
and transforming communication between conflicting parties.
Anger, hostility, suspicion, confusion, denial, jealousy -all of these emotions are the byproducts of lies. It is estimated by psychologist Gerald Jellison, Ph.D., formerly of the University of Southern
California, that the average person may lie about 200 times a day.
These are not intentional deceptions, but more likely intended to
empathize with and support friends and family members or to avoid
conflict or to temper embarrassing situations. Others say that the
average person lies about 11 times a week, but when one looks at
the lies told most often, it moves the probability back towards 200
times per day.
For example, the most frequently told lie, is when
a person says, “I’m on the way” or when they text that they’re stuck
in traffic or when they say they “don’t mind” something that you’ve
asked of them. Lies can be small, and harmless – even beneficial, but
lies can take down a democracy when they undercut the rule of law
or when they incite the taking of another’s life.
Reporters watched in confusion, when our former president, the
person later dubbed “Liar-in-chief” started his reign off with a verifiable
lie: that the crowd at his inauguration “looked like a million and a half people” and “was the largest crowd to attend any inauguration anywhere in the world”. Fact checkers noted that the subway usage that day was less than previous inaugurations. Pictures show that the Mall from the
Capitol to the Washington Monument showed comparatively sparse attendance.
It was at that point that we were introduced to the term “alternative
facts” by that president’s senior adviser, Kellyanne Conway. This concept of “alternative facts” is a head spinner. It delivers the visceral impact of having your reality flipped and the experience of truth shoved down your throat. It’s that feeling, exactly, that many of us feel, when we know we’re hearing a lie. Sometimes it’s a little lie, so sometimes it’s a little twinge that we barely notice. Other times, it’s a big LIE and it’s like a punch in the stomach. We double over, metaphorically, with a feeling of
confusion and disbelief in our eyes.
That was our introduction into the Age of the Lie. That harsh, if not
shocking, remaking of the facts into something that one insecure
person needed to hear in order to tolerate their reality, pulled out
all the stops on lying – on a countrywide stage. And like a bad infection,
it has spread. Governors from Texas to Florida, Trump’s attorney general
and other cabinet level officials began crafting whopping lies, to serve
purposes that we are still trying to understand.
How do lies impact you?
What does it mean to you when someone lies? When you overhear a
good friend lying about you? When your husband comes home late
with an excuse that doesn’t bear any resemblance to the truth? When
you know that a competitor at work had purposely misrepresented
your contribution to a shared project? The first thing you feel is that
punch, right? Then what? You start going over everything you’ve been
told, looking for little signs that you may have missed. You start question-
ing yourself, doubting your perceptions. Depending on your own
experiences, perhaps as a child, you could even lapse into self-blaming.
Your distress may unearth doubts about previously unconcerning social
exchanges. Yes. You’ll recall that time that person jumped off the phone
quickly when you entered the room or the time they didn’t really
answer a question that you asked them. All of a sudden, your security
net started to unravel. All because of a lie that probably has nothing to
do with you.
Reality check #1: People do what they do, not to hurt you,
but to protect themselves.
How does a lie hurt ? Is it that it prevents you from trusting the other
person? Does it keep moving the marker so that you don’t know what’s
real and what’s not? Does it signal that the liar is a foe and may have
negative intentions? Is that why they can’t tell you the truth? Whatever
it is, we know that the truth grounds us. It attaches us securely to a
familiar environment, to stable people and reliable expectations that assure us of a place and surroundings that help us and our children remain safe.
The truth, is an essential component of a happy life.
Since 2016, the United States has experienced gutting of our major
institutions, political behavior that deserves a spanking at the polls,
national indifference to the welfare of the most vulnerable and an under-
cutting of almost everything that we knew to be true.
There’s a good side to this, as there is to any tragedy. It captures
our attention. We have to think through our positions, plan how
we are going to improve the result and commit to being agents of change. It pulls us together.
The assumptions under which we operate have been exposed and
demand our examination and refinement. We’ve had to think of
alternatives to the way we live. We have to prepare for changes
in our expectations. We have to focus on what’s really important
and do what we have to do to make that happen.
The Pandemic has made us stay home, sit still and look at the facts.
People are reevaluating their jobs and the assumptions under which
they have been operating. They’re trying to make sense of their lives.
We’ve had to get real with life, with each other and with the planet.
If we do this right, and live up to our potential as equal partners
in stewardship over the earth, we’ll come out of this stronger,
truly secure and able to usher in The Age of Love.
At the core of anyone’s sanity is the issue of knowing and recognizing the truth. Our recent political “situation” afforded us the opportunity to witness what happens when people with high visibility abandon the truth. As black people who have experienced constant racism, we know all too well that we are held to a stricter standard than our white brothers. Not only is the truth overlooked when it comes to us and not only is it crucial that we adhere to every tiny detail of situations in order to be able to defend our truths, but even after that, the truth is often overlooked, suppressed or shut down – when it comes to us. We are seeing how the dominant culture is bending, stretching and altering the dictionary in order to avoid calling dominant political figures liars. If the previous president was not lying, then he may well be courting mental illness. Distorting the painful truth knowingly is lying. It is not “alternative fact” making, It is not avoidance of facts, it is lying.
However, when people knowingly lie like we are seeing – in counting crowds, in recounting other people’s reactions, in stating intentions to one group and then stating the opposite to another group. If it is not a fact, it is a lie. If it is a fact, we can all prove it. We can all attest to it. We can all agree to it. If it is not true, but is so painful that the person’s ego cannot stay intact and accept it, then we call it delusional. It is a mental health problem. It deserves compassion but with treatment, not with collusion.
What about if that previous president truly can’t see the truth? What about when someone’s brain filters out the real facts and replaces them with fiction that makes them feel better? Then that’s an altered reality and that’s a mental health problem. It is psychosis. It causes them to strike out against enemies that others don’t see. It causes them to harm others unfairly. By now, most blacks know that when unfairness gets handed out, it is usually aimed at us.
Why does it matter? The highest office in the land and any position of power, judgment or decision making which puts one human being in charge of or in control over another requires that person to be clear, accurate, temperate and an excellent decision maker with an understanding of the available options and their long term and wide ranging impacts. A person who does not read books, listen to the opinions of those with more knowledge than they, set limits on their own needs and advantages and who cannot see their own limitations and the gifts of others, is not the right person to lead others. We hold ourselves responsible to educate ourselves before we follow someone. It is embarrassing and concerning (to say the least) to watch a person careening towards disaster and taking a whole country with them.
From a position of compassion, it is understandable that for someone who has nothing to lose by putting themselves out there as the expert, the chief thinker, the “only one” who can help people with their situations, they can only carry with them those who do not use their own discernment to make a sound choice for the people following them. You can often see people stuck in their childhoods at the point where their development was halted by trauma or great tumult. They are children in adult bodies. They talk like children, make choices like children and react like children, but they may exercise the power of adults. Money only makes it easier to disguise their emotional delay. Language, mood and extremism reveals it.
When we witness someone out of control like this, it seems kind to give them the benefit of the doubt but we have a responsibility to those that we are individually responsible for, to make a choice that protects our own. We see this in abusive relationships, where the mother stays in a relationship and attempts to explain away her abusive, immature spouse’s rants and loss of control. She may feel sorry for him when he falls back into his pitiful stance after ranting and expressing violence. She may make excuses and want to “give him another chance”. She may do this for years as her children are frightened into silence and lose the self esteem they need in order to recover from their exposure. They may lose respect for her as well as themselves.
Already, we hear people continuing to make excuses for that president. The Women’s March on January 21st, 2017 proved that millions of people all over the world recognized that there was a problem in our American family. From their histories, ancestors, political experiences and intuition, they KNOW that what is happening in the United States right now is not normal. They recognize the lies and know that lies have meaning and create damage. They recognize that survival and peace is more important than race, than money and than advantage.
Just as you do with that mother who is afraid to leave and is perhaps addicted to being needed though abused, you can’t wait for her to realize her power. You can’t wait for her to see her value and the value of truth. You are so proud for her when she steps up to the plate and takes a chance on herself. The antidote to fear is taking a chance on yourself and seeking like -minded people with whom to move forward. Silence only increases your feelings of frustration and hopelessness. Join organizations like MoveOn.Org in their action to help get us out of this very unhealthy relationship.
Along with frequently described mood or antidepressant medications, what else can a person do to protect themselves from accumulating brain tissue loss and losing brain function?
For the folks suffering from disabling episodes of psychosis, mania and depression, the right psychiatric medications are a godsend. There are many people who attribute their ability to continue working and leading a normal life to their medications along with therapy. It is thought that for some people, these brain illnesses are associated with degeneration of brain cells. While every case may be different, often dysfunction in the brain occurs along with dysfunction in the body. After all, every part of our body is connected.
We are seeing increases in autoimmune disorders, food allergies, gut problems, arthritis, asthma, skin disorders, depression and sleep disorders. For some people, some of these problems may be due to the same culprit. There is much discussion now about the role of diet and gut dysfunction in the emergence of mood disorders.
So, would it make sense to identify and eliminate the culprit(s) and replace lost or missing nutrients that are known to be essential for brain health? How about looking at non-prescription supplements and foods that help the brain? In the December, 2016 issue of Current Psychiatry, Dr. Henry A. Nasrallah, writes about supplements that can help protect the brains of folks who are experiencing brain problems which show up as mood or cognitive disorders.
Some antidepressants, mood stabilizers and atypical antipsychotics may not only decrease troubling symptoms but may also have a protective effect on the brain.
There is an additional step that your doctor can take to help you protect your brain from the “destructive processes that accompany acute episodes of psychosis, mania and depression”.
Some of the supplements mentioned are:
Omega-3 fatty acids – Found in fish oil supplements have been shown in research studies to help reduce the effects of mood disorders and psychosis when used in addition to medications as well as a general supplement to protect brain health. Check out http://www.VitalChoice.org
Caffeine – Thought to be neuroprotective and to aid in preventing mood and memory dysfunction. Not necessarily good for anxious clients but helpful for those with psychosis or mood disorders.
Vitamin D3 – A deficiency of this essential vitamin (the status of most people living north of North Carolina and especially of people experiencing psychotic and mood disorders) has been associated with depression, Alzheimer’s, autism and schizophrenia. Supplementation with natural vitamin D (inexpensive over the counter) is said to protect the brain and the body against basic illnesses.
Nicotine (in the form of nicotine gum or nicotine patches) can help with cognitive processing (thinking), stress and cell health.
Melatonin – is an antioxidant, supportive to the immune system which reduces brain inflammation. Especially for diabetics or those with metabolic syndrome, melatonin is felt to be protective of brain tissue. Melatonin is considered an over the counter supplement that is helpful for sleep problems. For those taking Synthroid or the generic form, levothyroxine, melatonin use needs to be discussed with your pharmacist or physician.
N-acetylcysteine – is a powerful antioxidant for the brain, especially during a psychotic episode
Minocycline – An antibiotic that has been shown in studies to have protective effects on the brain as an additional treatment in schizophrenia
Lithium – usually used to treat mania in dosages of 900 to 1500 mg/d has been found to prevent progression of “amnestic mild cognitive impairment” to full dementia when taken in doses as low as 1 mg/d.
Erythropoietin (limited use due to some black-box warnings)
Cox-2 inhibitors: anti-inflammatory drug helpful in acute psychosis usually associated with neuro-inflammation.
Talk to your provider about adding these supplements to your psychiatric medication
Source: Current Psychiatry, Are you neuroprotecting your patients? 10 Adjunctive therapies, Henry A Nasrallah, MD, Vol. 15, No.12, December 2016
Let’s face it…..every time you feed your body, you feed your brain. A well-fed brain can think clearly, make great decisions, handle stress and remember well.
A poorly-fed brain can’t remember, is impatient, is stuck in a cloud and can’t make decisions. Everything you eat affects you, so don’t you want to know which foods are best for your brain AND your body? You’ve met those people who look great but their brain is running on empty? With a
little know how and an eye for spotting fresh, home cooked, chemical-
free food, you can build your brain muscle and release the inner gunk
associated with Alzheimer’s and dementia. Oh, and with ADHD and
memory problems as well.
What’s really the best food?
Who knew that the best foods for you, now that you know the food pyramid misses the mark, are, u name it: good ole greens, beans and veggies as close to fresh picked as you can get them. Organic produce is important because it is not grown with pesticides, which are potent cancer causers. With the widespread marketing of GMO foods (genetically-modified “Frankenfood” fruits and vegetables), it is doubly important that black folks and urban neighborhoods don’t become dumping grounds for pesticide-laden, old, poorly regulated and nutrient poor foods.
Food distributors know that they can unload lower quality foods in urban and immigrant neighborhoods. Check the expiration labels on the food products that you buy. For unpackaged foods, use your eyes and your nose. If you can smell the fish counter or the meat section from the front of the store, maybe you should go somewhere else. If you can smell
that a packaged food is rancid (old smelling), don’t use it. Packaged foods,
like nuts and crackers should be fresh.
What to look for
Now is the time to look for the stickers on fresh produce that says “Organic” or has a five digit code that begins with a number 9. Let the manager at your local market know that you want high quality, organically grown, fresh produce. If a few people ask, they can order it for their produce section. Look for farmers markets with produce that is often picked the same day or the day before. Pay a little bit more or check out your local CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) to buy a “farm-share” where you’ll get weekly deliveries of freshly harvested veggies from May to November for a lump sum payment. Check the prices of several farms but this usually averages $40 a week for the growing season for a family of four. They usually deliver to a drop off point like a church, school or farmers market.
In the end, it’s less expensive
Fresh produce can be quickly cooked into a meal for 25% of the cost of processed, prepared foods and have four times the nutrition because it hasn’t been processed, baked, boiled, colored, preserved and sometimes, dried for packaging.
Follow health-conscious sister/brother bloggers
Vegan and healthy food bloggers, like Tracye McQuirter, will give you the details, recipes, facts and motivation for cooking up delicious, nutritious, “skintastic” and age defying meals! Join her movement to enroll Black
women in an 8 week campaign to change your life.
Also, check out The Afro-Vegan Society where Executive Director,
Brenda Sanders explains to you how your food choices can change
the black experience from one of poor health and limited opportu-
nity to one of extended longevity and boundless energy.
