Tag Archives: black women

What determines sanity

At the core of anyone’s sanity is the issue of knowing and recognizing the truth. Our political “situation” now is affording us the opportunity to witness what happens when someone with high visibility abandons the truth. As black people who have experienced constant racism, we know all too well that we are held to a stricter standard than our white brothers. Not only is the truth overlooked when it comes to us and not only is it crucial that we adhere to every tiny detail of situations in order to be able to defend our truths, but even after that, the truth is often overlooked, suppressed or shut down when it comes to us. We are seeing how the dominant culture is bending, stretching and altering the dictionary in order to avoid calling the dominant political figure a liar. If he is not lying, then he may well be courting mental illness. Distorting the painful truth knowingly is lying. It is not “alternative fact” making, It is not avoidance of facts, it is lying. However, when people knowingly lie like we are seeing – in counting crowds, in recounting other people’s reactions, in stating intentions to one group and then stating the opposite to another group. If it is not a fact, it is a lie. If it is a fact, we can all prove it. We can all attest to it. We can all agree to it. If it is not true, but is so painful that the person’s ego cannot stay intact and accept it, then we call it delusional. It is a mental health problem. It deserves compassion but with treatment, not with collusion.

What about if this new president truly can’t see the truth? What about when someone’s brain filters out the real facts and replaces them with fiction that makes them feel better? Then that’s an altered reality and that’s a mental health problem. It is psychosis. It causes them to strike out against enemies that others don’t see. It causes them to harm others unfairly. By now, most blacks know that when unfairness gets handed out, it is usually aimed at us.

Why does it matter? The highest office in the land and any position of power, judgment or decision making which puts one human being in charge of or in control over another requires that person to be clear, accurate, temperate and an excellent decision maker with an understanding of the available options and their long term and wide ranging impacts. A person who does not read books, listen to the opinions of those with more knowledge than they, set limits on their own needs and advantages and who cannot see their own limitations and the gifts of others, is not the right person to lead others. We hold responsibility to educate ourselves before we follow someone. It is embarrassing and concerning (to say the least) to watch a person careening towards disaster and taking a whole country with them.

From a position of compassion, it is understandable that for someone who has nothing to lose by putting themselves out there as the expert, the chief thinker, the “only one” who can help people with their situations,  they can only carry with them those who do not use their own discernment to make a sound choice for the people following them. You can often see people stuck in their childhoods at the point where their development was halted by trauma or great tumult. They are children in adult bodies.  They talk like children, make choices like children and react like children but they may exercise the power of adults. Money only makes it easier to disguise their emotional delay. Language, mood and extremism reveals it.

When we witness someone out of control like this, it seems kind to give them the benefit of the doubt but we have a responsibility to those that we are individually responsible for, to make a choice that protects our own. We see this in abusive relationships, where the mother stays in a relationship and attempts to explain away her abusive, immature spouse’s rants and loss of control. She may feel sorry for him when he falls back into  his pitiful stance after ranting and expressing violence. She may make excuses and want to “give him another chance”. She may do this for years as her children are frightened into silence and lose the self esteem they need in order to recover from their exposure. They may lose respect for her as well as themselves.

Already, we hear people starting to make excuses for this new president.  The Women’s March on January 21st, 2017 proved that millions of people all over the world recognize that there is a problem in our American family. From their histories, ancestors, political experiences and intuition, they KNOW that what is happening in the United States right now is not normal. They recognize the lies and know that lies have meaning and create damage. They recognize that survival and peace is more important than race, than money and than advantage.

Just as you do with that mother who is afraid to leave and is perhaps addicted to being needed though abused, you can’t wait for her to realize her power. You can’t wait for her to see her value and the value of truth. You are so proud for her when she steps up to the plate and takes a chance on herself. The antidote to fear is taking a chance on yourself and seeking like -minded people with whom to move forward. Silence only increases your feelings of frustration and hopelessness. Join MoveOn.Org in their 100 days of action to help get us out of this bad presidential relationship.

The Women’s March – Were you there?

Washington Womens March January 21, 2017 Getty Images
Washington Womens March January 21, 2017 Getty Images

Saturday, January 21, 2017 – the marches in Washington, DC, New York City, Los Angeles, Denver,  and hundreds of other places throughout the United States and the world illustrated the power of validation. An estimate 4.6 million in the United States alone marched without one reported arrest to show that they are WOKE, that they see the travesty that has occurred, that they won’t allow it. So many women and men, have been shaken by the election of a mysogynistic, narcissistic, racist, money and power driven business person to the highest office in the United States.

Even women voted for this man who is an admitted sexual predator. (But we are sure many of them have already come to regret their short-sightedness.) The fact that this happened illustrates that America has lost its moral footing, its judgment and its focus. That America is us. The fear, is that we will pay a hefty price for this error in judgment. We would not give the keys to our cars to such a person. But we have given him the keys to our country. The marches on Saturday were a good example of great reality testing on the part of the folks who voted or would have for one of the other candidates; and buyer’s remorse on the part of those who voted for Trump.

There were so many wonderful signs of hope the marches showed us: the solidarity between women of all walks of life, all races, all ages. In NYC, there seemed to be as many marchers over 50 as there were under 50. The men were there in healthy numbers. The young children seemed thrilled to be part of the larger human family while learning valuable lessons about democracy and participation. The signs were brilliant, funny and to the point.  If you felt isolated, out of sorts or overwhelmed with pessimism about our future, you felt better after experiencing the march. If you were not there (and it was an overwhelmingly white crowd in NYC) you will feel better by getting involved now.

Exercising the power that you have (your vote!), your calls, your letters, tweets, emails, signs is a way to feel better, empowered and not a victim! Go for it! Don’t sulk, call. Don’t take to your couch, unless you’re sending emails at the same time. Don’t complain, Do something.  People around the world, including Antartica (!) took to the streets. You are in good company and as a group of people who may well have more at risk than most others during this administration, we have no reason or excuse for personal inaction.

Everywhere that we have interacted with professional mental health colleagues, we hear the same words: “psychopath, sociopath, narcissist”. All these experts in mental health functioning and behavior cannot be wrong. When we look at the history of mass human tragedies, we hear those same words: “psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists”. Democracy and freedom needs you!

Tracee Ellis Ross!!!! (Black-ish) focusing her spotlight on women of color!

We’ve been wanting to post on Tracee Ellis Ross for awhile now. She is so brilliant AND funny in the ABC Wednesday night series, Black-ish.  But more than that there is something about her that rings true as just a really nice person. January 8, 2017, the Golden Globes award for the Best Actress in a Comedy was awarded to her for her role as Rainbow Johnson, a physician and mom. It was the first time in 33 years that a black woman was honored as the best comedy actress, since Debbie Allen received the award for her role in Fame, in 1983.

In her acceptance speech, Ross spoke out on the meaning of having her talent recognized and the talent of the many overlooked “women of color and colorful people” in the television industry.

“Black-ish” gets it right. It’s a little like therapy, right? Many of the points made in the show hit you right in the heart. You feel yourself going “Yes!” when they use humor to point out the not so funny everyday microaggressions that we as black people put up with.  There is something about validation of our experiences in the wider culture, that helps make us stronger and that is what AfricanAmericanTherapists.com is all about.

Black-ish was created by writer and television producer, Kenya Barris, a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. He has also worked on America’s Top Model and Barbershop: The Next Cut.

Holiday Love

A Christmas/Kwanzaa holiday note

Style: "Agfa"

Walking through the mall this afternoon, there were alot of men wandering around, looking a little glassy-eyed.  Most of them looked  to be between 32 and 48 years old and they looked tired. Some of them were in work clothes. They looked lost. One man approached me holding a very tall pair of women’s boots in his hands. “Will these work? Do you think my wife might like these? They look pretty good, huh?” The man was short. I asked him, “Does she have really long legs? Because if she doesn’t, those might not work.” “Oh”, he said, “This is too hard. I’ll just give her the money and she’ll have to pick her own boots.” (How easily we are discouraged.)

Christmas is supposed to be fun

Love is a gift you can give for free. We shouldn’t feel that love will be rejected or deemed false if it is not accompanied by an adequate gift. After all, most men hate shopping. It seems to be a little overwhelming for them, if not in the decision-making, then in the range of prices and sizes. Some folks make up a very specific gift list (not a bad idea, except it seems like you’re putting in an order).  The really detailed folks send a text or email with  mistake-free links to accomplish the ordering and shipping. Some folks want it fancy wrapped. Some folks just want your clearly spoken words of love. And that’s a good thing because I think what I saw in some men’s eyes reminded me of what I see when folks start talking about their student loan debt: Fear.  Remember, unless you’ve been skipping out on the basics despite having the ability to provide, no gift can replace real love. If that’s all you really have, give that. Be open and honest and if your partner is worthy of you, that’s what they will give back. But if you have a few bucks, most will probably appreciate a gift card.

Grace standing in her truth

Photo by Jonathan Bachman
Photo by Jonathan Bachman

Fear blocks your ability to hear God

Ieshia Evans, a peaceful protester in Baton Rouge, LA demonstration in July, 2016 following the killings of Alton Sterling in Baton Rouge and Philando Castile in Falcon Heights, Minnesota shows what faith looks like. Faith has no fear. Faith stands in the certainty of its truth. Ms. Evans, a 28 year old nurse and mother of a 6 year old son told Gayle King, CBS “This Morning” co-host, that it was a first demonstration for her.

Why she stood up

After watching the videos of  the two shootings and after the countless other police shootings of unarmed black men and women that she had heard about, she felt that she had to stand up for her people. Noting that her job is to take care of people and that she could even be the nurse who takes care of those policemen one day, she demonstrates for all the world what it looks like to show peacefully and powerfully that Black Lives Matter as all lives matter.